i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
