So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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