I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
