just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
