Will you blow on my dice?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
