I just made out with a guy for $7.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
