The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
