So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
