forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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