You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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