there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
