i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
