They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do vagina's smell?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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