my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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