No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
