Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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