I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
