White coat. Heels.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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