There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
