walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
