If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
