i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
