Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
