yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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