she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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