uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
