I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
