I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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