The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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