I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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