oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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