"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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