would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
