also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
