Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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