how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
