Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
