adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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