Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
