Three words: puerto rican gang bang
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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