My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
