my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
