I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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