Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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