I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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