i think my tv is drunk
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
