Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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