yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
