Soap is not a condiment
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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