Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
