it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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