Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
