well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
