i think my tv is drunk
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
