just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
