Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
